HARDWORK + PERSEVERANCE + EMBARRASSMENT = 2.9

HARDWORK

Since the very first day of entering the college I engaged my whole self studying every lesson our professors imbuing in our class. Education, from the very first time I learned alphabet and numbers, has been the most precious thing I can be proud of. Since then, I became achiever. I was the class salutatorian during elementary in Cavite and become the class Valedictorian during my secondary. Becoming achiever is my goal when I entered the Catanduanes State Colleges as a Bachelor of Science in nursing student. During my first year, I am outstanding. I got an average of 1.48 in my first semester and 1.58 in second semester. The next year has also been conspicuous. I rank one in the Internship Examination which was done to qualify for the BSN proper. I got 1.7 as the general average for the first two years I abided in this college. This accomplishments are the fruits of my toil, and mean to say how much I convey importance in my subjects, either minor or major. Part of this is the impediments of having terror professors. Terror, as what they say and as I discerned, would mean spurning your class report, conducting a ten-item-essay-question quiz in thirty minutes (ten points each), gazing in their dreadful look, making you stammer during recitation and even utter such scornful thoughts against you. Adjoined to these are the unlimited projects, reports, duty, case studies, and research studies. Those toilsome stuff comprise learning and learning is what I want. So despite of my hardship, I chose to comply with veneration.

PERSEVERANCE

Henry Austin once said that genius, that power which dazzles mortal eyes, is oft but perseverance in disguise. Perseverance is the act of trying everything you dream of so hard and continuously despite any obstacles or difficulties. Students with vast determination to realize their dreams possess this attitude. I can say that one of those students is me. I do try hard to make my dreams come true...to become a reputed doctor. Taking up nursing is my stepping stone to this goal. And so, I am striving very hard not just to imbibe knowledge but appreciate the knowledge as well as values instilled by me, and put it into action. Instilling knowledge rooted inside the four corners of the classroom and the professor as its main paragon. Indeed they become part of it as they are the ones motivate me to persevere. Thanks to them!

EMBARRASSMENT

Vexation is my greatest forfeiture. I never thought it would happen...that someone would create my greatest forfeiture. Way back November 2008, a pretty good Thursday, we had our first quiz in a certain subject. We checked our papers just after the examination. We were annoyed in the way our professor acted upon us which we had realized since the very first day, but had been too much that very day. We were maybe just overreacting but out of nowhere she became irritated and lost her temper saying, "Who's the teacher here? I am the law! You're just my student." I think that's not the right thing to say in front of the class. We quoted that line, "I am the law!" In that afternoon, I got home and as I always do I updated my friendster and blogs as well. With nothing in mind except for that certain line my professor uttered that gravely encrypted in my mind, I posted it on my Friendster Bulletin. I emphasized that line she said, "I am the law!" I mentioned the subject not her name. I did not have anything in mind but to express what I ought to express not intending to hurt anybody or one's dignity. Then that day ended peacefully little did I know that would be the day of perplexity. The following meetings in her class became more and more complicated. She seems like no longer interested teaching in our block. I did not have any idea or strange feeling on her about this but we just taken this for granted. We still participate and did what a student ought to do inside a class. Days and weeks and months had passed, the class was still the same. I. too, still the same...not even had any strange feeling against her, until the last day, the day of our final examination. That exam I think was the most difficult exam she had given. Thirty one of the class failed and fortunately, I did not belong. Without anxiety, I was determined, I will pass her subject. Then, the day of issuing classcards came. I came to school in a bright mood without knowing this would be my unforgettable day...the day of my vexation. I claimed first my class card in Research and it made my day brighter, I got 1.6. Afterwards, I went to my dear professor's department to claim my class card. I was with my classmate Paolo. When we got there, I cheerfully greeted her a good morning. She let us sign on a paper then she gave Paolo's class card. She paused for a while, a little long, as if she forgot to give my class card. She broke our silence and let Paolo go and I to remain. I became uneasy and I sense complication. "What's the problem?", I thought. Then everything flashes back and blowed up my mind, "That bulletin?", "No it's not. “Finally, I got the courage to ask. "What is it maam?" She straightly asked, "What was that stuff, Ms. Sanchez, I read from your Friendster?"
"That stuff I posted on my bulletin?", I immediately answered.
Finally, it was confirmed, she read it and I was the one she mentioned few months ago as far as I remembered. "Yah. What do you mean by that? To whom was that?".
"None!", unconsciously I answered. I was shocked. I never expect she would confront me as if I did a crime. She, with her sternful look and sarcastic smile and I, with a vulnerable heart and uncontrollable emotion. Upon regaining my consciousness, with a lump on my throat I answered, " I just exercised my freedom of expression, we were annoyed that time so I posted that stuff, that's all. I did not mention any name. I did not intend any harmful thoughts against anyone. All I posted there was true, anyway." She did not approve my reason but in my heart that's all sincere.

"Ahh! So, totoo lahat! Di mo italam sako ang bagay na dai nagluwas sa kimot ko. Pigagibuhan mo ako ang istorya. Dapat palan dai ka na nag-nursing, nag-journalism ka nalang nganing makagibo ka ng mga haka-haka mo."

That was the most offensive thought I received from a person who did not even know who the hell I am. She judged me as much as that. I insisted that all I posted there was true more especially when she said, "Siya ang batas!", but she never accepted it. Most of my classmates heard and can testify when she said that, and I honestly can tell it. I heard it all-ears. But still, she said in her derisive tone, "Alam ko. Dai ka man talaga maamin, sa personality mong an. Matagas ka eh. Kadinali mong mag-judge. Estudyante ka pa sana bhe, dakul na akong namidbid na estudyante." I remained silent, all I did was to cry. This scenario never reached my expectation. I never expected she was like that. With that nonsense bulletin, she scolded me and treated me like that. She has a hard heart, she do not accept reasons and opinions. For her, what she thinks is what is right. That shock in my heart turned into hatred. That's too much. She speaks unprofessionally and hit my ego personally. I insisted that all those stuff was true. But then, she despised me a lot, but the funniest thing she did (funny although it alarmed me) was when she said I could go back next year and repeat her subject. What a hell! Is she kidding? I did not remember any exam I failed, and so why do I need to repeat that subject? A bitter smile lined my face and thought it's getting too much. She's becoming unreasonable. Hatred turned into contempt. I lost my respect and thought this conversation should be over. She did not accept my reasons and so there is no need for me to stay there any longer. I walked out. That was the very first time I showed disrespect...ever in my life. I left with a heart full of hatred and retaliation. I can't accept that. Her cutting words penetrate my whole being, the worst part is, I'm defenseless. I still got my temper, thank God! In that very afternoon, I reported to the Dean of our college what had happened. The dean was exasperated in her manner and for not issuing my class card. She immediately called Mam Tabor to accompany me to interrogate my dear professor what had happened and the reason for not issuing my class card. Mam Tabor professionally conversed her. They had a long conversation. Good to know they held each other's ire or else it might be outrageous. Afterwards, I humbly apologize for what effect that bulletin done in her but still I insist all of those was true...I just exercised my freedom of expression. But still, she seems unsatisfied and I don't care. All I know was truth and that truth shall prevail. Finally, she gave my class card. When I got it, finally, I thought of remission. I said it's over. I will just let it go. But when I took glance on my class card, I was disheartened. I don't deserve that mark, but I no longer want to go back in that room again...never. After all the hardworks, perseverance and a great vexation, all I got is 2.9. Anyway, I don't care of my grades anymore, all I need is learning. LEARNING IS WHAT I NEED. After all, I do not think of vengeance because it is not mine, it is GOD'S.